What The F***?!?!

Yesterday, was simply the pits!!! There is no way else to describe the utter frustration with all the pain that occured yesterday. What a flair up. My leg was all blotchy and my knee felt like it was surrounded by shards of glass. The grinding was insane and so was the swelling. What a miserable day.

Today is looking cloudy

Thus far, the quitting smoking isn't working for me. My pain last night and so far today, is insane. I do all I can to mask the truth of my agony to all who surround me, but it is difficult. I get next to no sleep with the pain constantly keeping me awake. Smoking a pipe helps but nothing beats the comfort and firmiliarity of a cigarette. This morning I broke down, on the way to dropping off my son to school, and bought some Camel Wides. Now they cost $5.84 a pack?! What a load of shit, I'm going to have to use this pack as a goodie or a just in case type of thing. I hate having to sneak around but I dislike having to suffer more than I already need too, more. This RSD crap is a madman, it always has been, even before I knew what it was all about or that it even existed or that I even had it. The good days, the bad days, this disease is misleading as it is eloquent. I respect it's mystery, but I hate it's genius, what a life!

General BS

Today, or should I say early today the Ben Wade pipe I wanted on eBay ended, but I was asleep and it sold for only $35!!! I was pissed about that but my wife and I this past Friday, found this place called Edward's Pipe & Tobacco not too far from us and we each got ourselves a pipe. My wife got a beautiful Meershaum with flowers in the middle and dragon profiles on either side of the bowl and feathers on the shank. It has a church warden stem and she really likes it too. I got myself a Karl Erik, smooth freehand, briar. It's a beautiful pipe and is brand new. My only issue with it is breaking it in is a pain in the neck! I hadn't expected the pipe to bite as much as it did and then the tobacco we purchased was a bit dry and so you get the double whammy bite from the tobacco and the pipe. It's getting better to smoke out of it as the cake builds up inside the bowl but it's still not as pleasant to smoke as my Grandfather's pipe is.
My RSD seems to be under control today, however, I seem to get that lost feeling when I'm driving now. Farmiliar landmarks don't look right or I think I'm going the wrong way or even at the same time I feel like I'm lost, just taking my Son to school or going for groceries. It is troublesome to have these weird feelings while driving. My wife is always talking about how I'm losing my mind, and that maybe, but it's the constant pain I'm in that bugs me out. If I'm losing my mind I'm not aware of it. I'm only aware of what is pointed out to me by my family. Yet, today I'm not feeling that bad and my pain level is bareable. I just wish I was up at 5:30 in the morning to snipe that old Ben Wade, that would've been sweet!

Lord Have Mercy

Is it me, or does knowing you have this RSD crap make you progressively worse? Everything today seems like it's vibrating. My eyes feel like they're being pushed on from the back of my head. My leg has been having these electrical shock, surge type of pains more so than usual, today. Yet, the coloration of my leg is normal, but I've been off of my feet and planted on the couch for most of the day. I'm exhausted from the lack of sleep I've been getting lately. That and having to get up super early and make sure my daughter gets off to school and then having to drive my son to his school, it's just more complicated with 3.5 hours of sleep. The sheets on my skin, or anything lately, has this burning sensation when it touches my skin and lately my leg has been feeling like its hot and wet, especially when I walk. The grinding sensation in my knee is getting on my nerves as it is completely now more apparent to me. I'm wondering if quitting smoking hasn't heightened my perceptions of things. Driving is becoming more of chore than it used to be. Getting in and out of the car is quite the pain in the ass anymore. As well I'm starting to drive more with my right hand as opposed to my left since the shake and the spasm almost sent me into a tree the other day. My driving days are numbered, I guess. I'm also noticing an increase in forgetfulness, but perhaps, I'm now just paying attention to it more. I know my wife always knew I was forgetful but even she has remarked that I can't put something down without losing it or I wind up asking the same questions over and over again throughout the day. Kind of annoying, but interesting as well. Today happens to be one of those bad days, but it'll pass as usual. I guess these "Flair Ups", as they're refered too tend to come and go. For me, it just seems to decrease in intensity and then just come back full strength a couple of days later, but it never just goes away. So it's either a crazy pain day, like today, or it's just a moderate pain day, but never a pain free day.

Quitting Smoking and RSD

There once was a time when I despised smoking. Growing up, my family and I would sit at the kitchen table that was more like a breakfast bar now. I always sat in the middle and both my parents would smoke. They each had their own ash tray and everything. Mom with the Virginia Slims and Dad with his Pall Malls, would successfully turn our kitchen into this smoke filled bar-like area. Naturally, the smoke would hover right into my face and since I was always the last one finished eatting, the smoke would drive me nuts. I always swore I'd never do it, and then I went to this Summer Travel Camp when I was 14 and that was it. However, I really didn't truly just, balls out, smoke, until I was 15 and then I had my accident and smoking was replaced with tons of Morphine. That is until I went back to school and remembered their was a smoking lounge for students. So now jump ahead 24 years and although I haven't smoked more than 8-9 cigarettes a day for the past 20 years, quitting smoking has proved to be the utmost impossible task that I know of. I know coming off of Morphine was the hardest thing I ever endured. The pain associated with that is just unimaginable. And even though they say smoking has no physical addiction and it's all psychological, to that I say, "Fuck You!" You haven't spent even an hour in my shoes to even make that assumption. Yeah we got the patch, and it keeps you mellow so you're not all antsy and jumpy, but it's not the same really, now is it? My wife was the one buying the cigarettes and since she decided to quit, naturally I have to follow suite. However, the daily BS pain I experience has increased dramatically. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not quitting, I've just changed formats. I've had one of my Grandfathers pipes with me throughout my travels and recently said screw it and started huffing away at that, before I quit smoking. There's something about smoking a pipe and wearing the patch that is utterly satisfying, only today I said screw the patch. I mean really what's the point. My wife, Mrs. Do what she wants thinks she can just go from 21mg to the 7mg patches in 3 weeks, I told her good luck with that one, it takes months not weeks. I give her two weeks after she tries the lowest dosage patch before she's back to cigarettes. Really, she smokes 2 1/2 packs a day!!! I didn't even need to light up my own cigarettes, just finish the ones she would start and she thinks she's going to quit lickity split after smoking like that for longer than I've known her? In the end I guess we all walk alone when it comes to quitting cigarettes, but like I said, I'm just switching formats. I tried it for a couple of days with just the patch and the pain was intolerable. Ultimately, that is what failed me the last time, being in so much pain, that and paying, at the time, $20 more for the patches. In my eyes, inhaled Nicotine vs. Transdermally delivered Nicotine, there's no comparison and my body is blatantly aware of it. All I know right now is I like older cooler pipes and not the cheap shit my Grandfather used to smoke out of. The pipe pictured above, to the left, is a Mid 60's Danish Briar by Ben Wade. I will be getting it from eBay in the next couple of days and I expect to pay a premium for it. The pipe pictured to the right I purchased off of eBay for my friend's Birthday. It too is a 1965 Ben Wade, Sandblasted, Spiral, Briar. A Simply gorgeous pipe and it made his day! So.....If I'm going to smoke a pipe it had better be an old Estate Pipe. My lips won't be touching anything less than a Ben Wade. Even as we speak I'm watching an old 1930's Dunhill, quite nice, I assure you. Looks like Keith has a new hobby.......

Better Late, Than Never!!!

Greetings, to all who are reading this, if anyone is. My name is Keith, and I was recently diagnosed with Type 1, Stage 3, RSD/CRPS. My journey began on a sunny morning, on August 4, 1987. I was on one of those 3 wheeled ATCs, that were popular back then. I was actually helping a friend get it back to his house. In the end, I was hit by a van and my life hasn't been the same since. I didn't have a helmet on, I was wearing nothing more than a net shirt, blue jeans and a new pair of Addidas high tops. My left leg suffered 6 breaks and a shattered knee. 2 of those breaks were compound fractures where the bone was protruding from the skin on the inner side of the knee and the lower part of the leg. The foot peg of the ATC, which resembles a serated post, went through the lower part of my leg, which accounts for one of the compound fractures. On the inner side of my knee and leg is a 14" scar and centered is a big ass hole where flesh used to be. I destroyed my thigh muscle and my calf muscle. Up until 2005, I have endured 16 surgeries to put this limb back together. I have endured over 10 years worth of physical therapy sessions and daily agony. In 2005 my roomate mouthed off with vulgarities to my then 7 year old son, and thus an argument ensued. In the end I had his drunken ass in a head lock and in order to avoid shattering an all glass coffee table, I shifted my weight and moved us to the side and "SNAP", down I went. I gave myself a tibia plateau fracture. I needed surgery in which the surgeons grafted cadaver bone to the fracture site and installed 3 screws. Then 3 months later I was scheduled to have additional surgery. I had an Orthoscopy, they removed scar tissue and half of my Miniscus from my knee. Then they did a lengthening to my Achilles Tendon so I could at least get my foot into a neutral position and put my foot flat on the floor (didn't work). They also did a release and fusion on my 5 toes on the left foot, since they were clawed down and made wearing anykind of shoe longer than 5 minutes a tortuous event. I spent 2 years recovering from all that additional surgeries bringing my total to 18. I was told in 2006 I would never be able to do anykind of manual labor and would need to find sedementary job. In 2007 I found a decent job that paid good, and all I had to do was sit in a lab and every 2 hours walk the production floor, collect samples, and take measurement readings on the product, then bag and tag the samples and enter the data in files as well as into a computer, all right up my alley. I was made to perform a job outside of my limitations as well as my job description and as result of simply pulling a heavy pallet loaded with stock (750+lbs.), I tore something in my knee, and down I went, again. I haven't worked since July 14, 2007 and applied for Social Security Disabilty. So I had been seeing these cheesy, cracker jack type of Doctors using my county hospital's indegency program. In the 20+ years I had been seeing doctors and with the now 18 surgeries, all those first year interns would do was ask stupid questions. "What's with the cane? What's with the brace?" Blah Blah Blah........in the end I was treated like some pill popping junkie, wasting their time and just looking to get high! 2 weeks ago, my lawyer scheduled an Independant Medical Exam with a real doctor, who was literally shocked when he heard everything I had been through. In the course of his examination and the multitude of pokings and prodings, he determined that I had Type 1, Stage 3, RSD/ CRPS. I was floored, because nobody had ever mentioned anything about this Disorder/Disease. But now I know what's going on. I will keep this updated as things progress. Stay tuned......<<>>